ND) "Nick Diamond,"
JG) "And Johnny Gomez here,"
ND) "For the next special edition of RPG Celeb Deathmatch!"
JG) "Delayed somewhat due to repairs of the ring from the previous match."
ND) "To start this thing off let's introduce our lovely contenders!"
-[Camera pans downward, burnt spots cover the ring, and many of the ropes are being held together by duct tape. The camera comes to rest on two female figures standing opposite one another.]-
JG) "The attractive, green-haired, carnival fan dancer, Jean of Lunar: Eternal Blue!"
-[Crowd cheers wildly as Jean does a few graceful spins in place, and bows]-
ND) "And coming all the way from the Sector 7 Slums, the charming, martial artist, Tifa of Final Fantasy VII!"
-[Crowd goes wild again, as Tifa brushes some imaginary lint off her shorts and places her hands behind her back stretching her tiny shirt to the limit]-
JG) -[Staring and gulps]-
ND) -[ditto]-
-[Camera flips back to the ring where Jean and Tifa are matching move for move]-
JG) -[Clears his throat]- "And it looks like these two lovelies are evenly matched, wouldn't ya say Nick?"
NG) "....Huh? Oh! Yes, that's right Johnny! I think we're going to see much more action this time around!"
-[Tifa charges Jean with her Beat Rush - Somersault combo. Jean valiantly tries blocking, but is knocked back into the ropes, unknowing causing the tape to tear. Jean counter attacks with a Dopple Dance and ghostly images of herself begin floating around her.]-
JG) "This match may be over sooner than we think! I'm not sure if Tifa can match Jean's dance spells!"
-[Determined, Tifa casts Quake 3. One end of the ring splinters as a huge piece of earth rises up, sending Jean and her ghostly sidekicks to the floor outside the ring.]-
Tifa) "Come on you shameless hussy!!! Can't you do any better?! I need to build up my limit break!"
-[Jean warily picks herself up checking for broken bones, as a trapdoor opens in the center of the ring and a man with black hair, a yellow bandanna, and a backpack rise up on a platform.]-
ND) "What's this! Who invited this guy?"
Ryoga) "OH MY GOD!!! Where the hell am I NOW!!" -[His eyes huge as he looks around, his gaze settles on Tifa, and he gulps as she turns on him]-
Tifa) "Ah! Just the man I needed! Come on, hit me!!"
Ryoga) "Wha?" -[Sweat drop appears and he looks at her oddly]-
Tifa) "Just hit me you idiot!!"
-[As she stomps his foot and kicks his shins]-
Ryoga) -[Yelps in pain]- "You crazy bit-yaah!! Stop it! Stop it!! I'll hit you!! Just put me down!!"
-[Ryoga pleads as Tifa holds him over her head ready to toss him at the huge rock. She puts him down as Jean climbs back onto the platform.]-
Jean) "Hah! I see your game! Don't even think of letting him substitute! This isn't tag team!"
-[Furious, as she spins into her Needle Step attack.]-
JG) "I wonder who's side this guy is on?"
-[In between Tifa and Jean is a frozen Ryoga ice cube.]-
Jean) "Shameless hussy am I? At least I don't hide behind some man!"
Tifa) "That's it witch! No more playing! YAAAAHHH!!!"
-[A preternatural scream come from both women as they lunge for each other, clawing and pulling each other's hair]-
ND) "This is what I've been waiting for baby!!"
JG) "Cat fight of the century!"
-[The two women fly back and forth off the ropes, loosening them ever more. Jean sends a Haduken Tifa's way but she sidesteps it and it melts the ice around Ryoga, sending him backward into Tifa]-
Tifa) "LIMIT BREAK!!! You're goin' DOWN!!"
ND) "That poor guy better get outta there while the gettin's good! I think Tifa's preparing for her Dolphin Blow!"
-[Indeed, Tifa executes her Dolphin Blow... unfortunately... poor Ryoga is again caught in the line of fire! Freezing water, envelopes both Jean and Ryoga...]-
JG) "Too late."
-[Jean sits up sputtering and swips the hair from her face, as she notices a pig with a yellow scarf around it's neck sitting on her stomach, it's cheeks pink]-
Jean) "Say, where did you come from? I haven't seen you...oh Shhheeee," -[Jean's eyes widen in terror as she sees Tifa's energized fist swiftly descending to meet her face!]-
Tifa) "Stop dialogue!"
-[As the smoke clears, the two announcers rise from behind their panel]-
ND) "Deja vu,"
JG) "Not again... hey! Look, some one sent us up some pork chops!"
ND) -[Is unsure of Gomez, and looks down at the devastation... the ring and the first ten rows of audience seats are no longer in existence, only a huge crater.]-
JG) "Good lord! Do you see Jean or Tifa?" -[As he munches on a pork chop] ND) -[Scanning the arena]- "I'd haveta say no Johnny. It looks like this one just might be a tie."
JG) "Is that possible?" -[munch, munch]-
ND) "Guess so, well, it obviously looks like this is the conclusion of our match! So, this is Nick Diamond,"
JG) "And Johnny Gomez, saying Good fight, Good night!"
ND) "Hey, give me a bite..."