[SCENE: ZOPHAR'S keep. HIRO, RONFAR, JEAN, LEMINA and LEO have reached the top, where they see an imprisoned LUCIA.]
LUCIA: [gasping] Hiro... no... run away!
HIRO: Lucia!
[Enter ZOPHAR. He's dressed in a frilly white dress shirt, black leather pants, black leather boots, and his long hair is tied back with a golden hairpin. He grabs a microphone and begins to sing to the tune of "Too Sexy."]
ZOPHAR:
I'm too sexy for Blue Star.
Too sexy for Blue Star.
Too sexy by far.
I'm too sexy for Ghaleon.
Too sexy for Ghaleon.
He betrayed me; he's done!
[CHORUS]
I'm a Dark Lord;
You know what I mean
As I rain destruction on your planet.
On your planet!
Yeah! On your planet!
As I rain destruction on your planet!
I'm too sexy for Hiro.
Too sexy for Hiro.
I'll beat him to and fro!
I'm too sexy for Miss Jean.
Too sexy for Miss Jean.
I'm the true dancin' queen!
[CHORUS]
I'm too sexy for this fight.
Too sexy for this fight.
One zap and GOOD NIGHT!
I'm too sexy for your power.
Too sexy for your power.
You'll be dead in an hour!
[CHORUS]
I'm too sexy for this song!
[ZOPHAR stops singing. The heroes stare blankly and blink.]
ZOPHAR: What? [scootches his fanny around] Do these pants make my butt look big?
HIRO: ...
RONFAR: ...
LEO: ...
[JEAN and LEMINA whisper to themselves. They then turn to ZOPHAR.]
JEAN: As a matter of fact... yes, they do.
ZOPHAR: [gasps] NO!
JEAN: Yes.
LEMINA: And leather pants are sooooooooo mega five plothooks ago.
[ZOPHAR begins to sob.]
ZOPHAR: I'm ugly! I'm an ugly, ugly cow! Oh, woe is me!
[ZOPHAR runs off and cries himself to oblivion. LUCIA frees herself and floats down to the others.]
LUCIA: ...
JEAN: ...
LEMINA: ...
LEO: ...
RONFAR: ...
HIRO: ...okay. If anyone asks, we'll tell them this: Zophar said, "Are you here to beg for mercy? Or are you here to stop my glorious plan?" And then...