A long time in the future on an astronomical body not far from here....
TSAR WARS!
WHEN WE LAST LEFT OUR HEROES, THEY WERE ABOUT TO BOARD THE SHIP OF KYLE, THE MASTER DRUNK. ALTHOUGH FEARFUL OF THE QUALITY OF THE SHIP AND QUESTIONING OF THE PRUDENCE OF SAILING ON A SHIP WITH A PERSON NICKNAMED "THE MASTER DRUNK", ALEX PRESSED ON. AT LEAST, HE DID UNTIL THE BUDGET CUTS GOT SO BAD THAT THE PRODUCTION WAS STOPPED ON THIS MOVIE. HOWEVER, IT CONTINUES NOW, THANKS TO BRILLIANT DIRECTOR GEORGE (PRONOUNCED "HOR-HAY") LUCAS BUYING THE RIGHTS AND DECIDING TO FINISH THE MOVIE IN THE TRADITIONAL STAR WARS MANNER. AND SO, OUR HEROES LEAVE THE PORT AT SAITH...
Alex: How far is it to Meribia?
Kyle: How should I know?
Dyne: Didn't you say you could do the Meribia to Meryod run in under 4 parsecs?
Kyle: Yeah...
Dyne: So shouldn't you know where Meribia is?!??!
Kyle: Oh, MERIBIA! I know where that is! I thought you said Meryod! My mistake.
Ramus: Oh dear... Master Alex, are you sure this is such a good idea?
Alex: Can't be any worse than the idea to bring you along.
Nall: *beep beep!*
Alex: Sheesh, no need to swear at me, Nall.
(After several hours of sailing, the ship miraculously reaches Meribia... or does it?)
Kyle: There's something up ahead. Oh, that's not Meribia. It looks like a small moon.
Alex: There's a moon on the moon now?
Kyle: Uh, I guess it's the man in the moon.
Alex: Andy Kaufman?
Kyle: Yeah.
Dyne: That's not a moon... that's a space station.
Everyone else: A WHAT?!?
Dyne: It's one of those places on the highway where you stop when you have to "go", y'know?
Alex: You mean a rest stop?
Kyle: You mean a service station?
Baboon: You mean a tree?
Dyne: Okay, okay, so we call them something different in Meribia. You know what I mean!
Ramus: Master Alex, I have to go to the bathroom.
Alex: Just use the one on the ship.
Ramus: No way!
Alex: Why not?
Ramus: Have you seen the bathroom on this ship?
Alex: No....
Ramus: Trust me, don't look in there. Don't go within 10 feet of it. Don't even look in that general direction. Somebody did something... horrible in there...
(Alex glares at Nall)
Nall: What?
Alex: Alright, Kyle, can you take us into this space station up ahead?
Kyle: Sure. But it'll cost you an extra 2000 Silver.
Dyne: Fine, I'll pay you when we get to Meribia.
Kyle: Deal!
Dyne and Kyle: (whispering to themselves) Heh heh heh... sucker!
(Kyle docks the ship at the station... and a Vile Tribe member in white armor appears)
Vile Trooper: Hey!
Ramus: Wow, this place has mobile facilities! And they even talk!
Vile Trooper: "Facilities"?!? What the??
(Ramus approaches the Vile Trooper. The Trooper sees the crazed look in Ramus' eyes and recognizes his intent...)
Vile Trooper: I am NOT a urinal!!!!!!
Ramus: SURE you are! Now stop moving around so much.
Vile Trooper: AHHHH!!! (flees in terror)
Ramus: Darn it! Now what are we gonna do?
Ghaleon: Hm hm hm, now, you meet the fate of all who invade my fortress....
Alex: What? Who said that?
Dyne: Ghaleon!
(Ghaleon enters the room in full armor)
Ghaleon: ...the Death Star!
Kyle: Death "Star"? But isn't this world the Silver Star?
Alex: I thought it was a moon.
Dyne: No, it's Lunar.
Baboon: To me, it's just one, big, gigantic tree. If you know what I mean.
Ghaleon: But to avoid confusion, you may refer to my base as the "Grindery".
Nall: Sounds like a kitchen utensil...
Kyle: A BIG kitchen utensil...
Alex: With sharp, jagged teeth in it...
Ramus: Just thinking about it makes me hungry!
Ghaleon: Silence! You came here to gain passage to the Frontier, so that you may rescue Luna, am I right?
Alex: How did he know that?
Ghaleon: I always read the script beforehand, boy! You should know that by now! But you see, you can't stop me. Even if you succeeded in rescuing Luna, which you won't, my Grindery has enough power to conquer this world!
Dyne: You fiend!
Ghaleon: Ah, Dyne, my old friend. Now we'll see who's REALLY the master! It's gonna be Ghaleon's World! Ghaleon's World! Party Time! Excellent!
George Lucas: What the heck was that?
Ghaleon: Huh? What?
George Lucas: The greatest villain of all time, Darth Vader, has been merged with the Wayne's World skit?! Good grief!
Ghaleon: I don't know who you are, but you're not leaving the Grindery alive! *takes out his sword and looks at Alex and the others* And neither are YOU!
(Horror of horrors! Our heroes are certainly in a fix now! How will they ever get out of it? And more importantly, when is Ramus going to find a bathroom?)